#in conclusion. it was dope but also traumatizing

[hematomes]

bro im so tired yesterday evening was fucking wild. i went to an illegal protest, the cops threw tear gas bombs in our faces (we were near the front so we took the brunt of it. shit fell directly in front of my feet) and i genuinely thought i would die then. almost got bodied by aforementioned cops and heard people get beaten up like 5m away from me, couldn't see anything for a good 15min bc i was crying and drooling and overall disgusting bc of the tear gas bombs, and then i had to walk 45min at NIGHT to get home bc they had canceled all of the tramways

ended up having a whole panic attack in my bed bc the adrenaline ran out, and now my whole body is so sore i feel like im gonna die again

[fandammit]

Look how long this love can hold its breath (3/?)

Alright, I officially do not know how long this is going to be. I had a plan at one point...like 4 thousand words ago. I have an ending in mind, now it’s just about writing Ben and Devi to get there in a way that makes sense. Strap in, folks -- and thanks for reading!

Part 1 || Part 2 || On Ao3

*******

“Is Shira, like, weirded out or anything that I’m staying over here?”

It’s the third night of Devi living with him, which is definitely a sentence he never in his life thought he’d say. They’re sitting across the table from each other working on their pre-cal homework, snacks strewn across the space between them.  

He glances up to see her chewing on her lip, waiting for his answer. For some reason, he doesn’t know quite how to say that the two of them aren’t together any more, so he just shrugs and looks away from her.

“It doesn’t matter.”

She sighs heavily and he hears her lean back against the chair.

“She’s pissed, huh.” She sounds genuinely upset, and he looks up and sees her chewing on the corner of her bottom lip. “I’m so sorry, Ben, I didn’t think about how she might feel about this.” She clears her throat. “I mean, did you tell her that, like, you and me, you know…” She gestures between them and shrugs.

It takes everything within him not to ask what she means by that. He’s trying to be normal, to pretend like he never tried to kiss her -- twice! -- to act like he never wanted to.

He thinks if things were like they used to be, he’d make some snide comment about how she should be so lucky to be here with him. If things were like it used to be, his reply would be designed to remind her that he was better than her, manufactured to make her feel small.

But if things were like they used to be, they’d never be in this position in the first place. He isn’t sure of a lot lately, but he’s sure that he doesn’t want them to go back to things as they used to be.

So he decides to go for a new normal.

“We, uh --.” He scratches the back of his head, then gives her a small, lopsided smile. “We broke up.”

“Oh.” She blinks rapidly, then leans forward with a sympathetic slant to her mouth. “I’m so sorry, Ben.”

And the thing is, she does sound genuinely sorry about it, and for some reason that makes him feel more than the actual breakup did.

He shrugs again.

“It’s no big deal.”

She tilts her head at him as though trying to figure out what he might really mean. But the truth is, that’s really what he means.

“I mean, you guys were together a while.”

He nods.

“We were but --.” He taps his fingers on the table, trying to put it in a way that doesn’t make both of them sound callous and shallow, even though that’s exactly what they are. “I think we liked the idea of one another more than who the other person actually was.”

It’s the softest way he can put the reality that Shira really only liked him for his money, and he mostly liked her for the simple fact that it meant that someone wanted him.  

“Huh.” She sits back in her chair and looks at him. “That’s deep, dude.”

“Yeah, well, you should know by now that I have stores of wisdom beyond your comprehension, David,” he drawls out, though it’s less cutting than it once would have been.

She rolls her eyes at him, but that motion, too, isn't as sharp as it used to be.

*******

“Jesus, Kevin McAllister’s kind of homicidal.”

It's Friday night and they’re only halfway through her very first showing of Home Alone, but he can tell by the tone of her voice that that’s the conclusion she’s come up with for the entire film.

“I mean, it’s a fun 90’s children's film that I don’t think we’re meant to take as having any bearing on real life,” he replies dryly. “But, yeah, he absolutely is.”

She’s curled up on the seat next to him in the screening room, her feet tucked in under her and a blanket draped across her legs.

They’re sitting in the exact same two seats they sat in during his party when he tried to kiss her, a fact that seems to bother her not at all and that he can’t get out of his mind for more than two minutes at a time.

Which means he’s spent a good duration of the movie being very aware of the placement of his arms, the movement of his limbs, the slant of his body. He’s also tried to make sure he hasn’t spent too much time looking at her, though that backfires when she asks why he keeps looking just past her right shoulder every time she talks.

He’s at least grateful that she’s somehow never seen Home Alone, because it means she hasn’t completely picked up on how incredibly weird he’s being.

“I mean, these guys should’ve been dead like, ten times over with all the shit he’s put them through.”

“Again -- children’s movie.” He grimaces as they watch Marv’s foot hover above a protruding nail on the stairs, then turns and faces Devi so he doesn’t have to see it. “You know, there was an article a few years back that theorized that Kevin McAllister grew up to be the villain for all the Saw movies.”

Her eyes go comically wide.

“Dude! I can totally see that.”

He takes out his phone and starts googling the article so that he can send it to her.

“I mean, I’ve never seen any of the Saw movies, but I know enough about them generally to think that it’s a pretty good theory.”

He feels Devi clamp onto his arm with her hand.

“Ben, how have you never seen any of the Saw movies?”

He looks down at where her hand is resting on his arm, then back up at her. Tries to focus on the incredulous look on her face rather than the warm pinpricks of her fingertips settling on his skin.

“I -- uh. Um. Well, I --.”

Oh dear God, he is such a mess.

“Are you trying to think of some excuse for why you haven’t seen a modern horror classic like Saw?” She says with a smirk, then (blissfully? unfortunately?) lifts her hand to cross her arms in front of her chest. “I can’t believe you made fun of me for not seeing Home Alone when you haven’t seen Saw.”

He breathes out a relieved sigh and turns into a scoff at the last moment.

“I’m not much of a horror movie guy.” He clears his throat. “Besides, Home Alone is a classic.”

“Saw is a classic!”

He rolls his eyes.

“I’m not sure that a movie about someone sawing off one of his own limbs could be considered a classic.” He quirks an eyebrow at her. “Or, you know, even good.”

Devi gives him an incredulous look.

“Uh, I believe 127 Hours was nominated for like six Academy Awards, Ben.”

“Yeah, I walked right into that one.” He turns to face her. “But, 127 Hours was an inspiring story of survival, humanity and hope. Saw is the story of some guy making people complete stupid tasks because he thinks it’ll teach them something. It’s basically a demented version of Mr. Shapiro’s class.”

Devi lets out a loud shout of laughter, and he feels a pleased grin spread across his face.

“You know what, I love that description so much I won’t even argue with you.”

“Finally ready to admit that I’m your intellectual superior?”

She rolls her eyes.

“You wish.” She gestures at the screen. “But no, you’re making me miss the movie.”

She settles back into the chair and turns to face the screen. They watch the last half hour in comfortable silence, and when it’s over, Devi turns to him.

“So one of your favorite childhood movies is about an 8 year old who terrorizes two grown men and probably gave them both traumatic brain injuries before sending them to jail?”

He huffs a small laugh.

“I think it was probably more getting to see the story of a kid being so important to his parents they flew home from Paris to be with him. Like, gee, wonder what that must be like.” The last part is as bitter as he’s let himself feel lately -- and definitely more bitter than he’s let himself say out loud. He regrets it when he glances over at Devi and sees her giving him a sympathetic look. It seems selfish and unfair to complain about his parents given what she’s been through, so he gives her a half-smile and a shrug. “It’s fine, Devi.”  

She shakes her head.

“It isn’t, but we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want.” She gestures towards the screen. “So, given that you picked the first movie, the next movie choice should be mine.” She turns back to him and grins. “And my choice is Saw.”

He scoffs, but only to cover up the smile that is creeping up on him.

“So we’re doing a marathon now?”

“Two movies isn’t a marathon, Ben, it’s a double feature.” She stands up to grab the bowl of kettle corn she put on the floor earlier and puts it back on her lap. “I mean, really it’s like we’re watching the spiritual sequel to your favorite childhood movie, so I’m actually being pretty generous with my movie choice.”

“Wow, truly magnanimous of you, David. I’m so grateful.”  

“You’re welcome,” she says without a trace of irony, then gestures for him to pick up the iPad next to him so that he can start looking for the film. “And I know you’re used to watching movies in this dope setup, but I’m not, so we’re going to revel in the dopeness of it until I get tired of it, which will probably be never.”

They don’t own Saw because no one in his family would ever want to watch it, so he clicks over to their Amazon account to buy it.

“I actually don’t use this room all that much. It isn’t as fun by yourself, so, this is --.” He glances over at her and shrugs. “It’s nice.” She gives him a smile that might be described as soft, if he were doing such a thing as cataloging her smiles. He turns his attention back to the iPad screen before he can do anything stupid like tell her how pretty her smile is, and scrolls through the list. “There are eight Saw movies?” He says incredulously. “How are there eight Saw movies?”

Devi shrugs.

“They’re cheap to make and people keep watching them, hoping any one of them will be as good as the first one.” She takes a sip of her soda. “Spoiler alert, that hope remains unfulfilled.”

“Wow, you’re really doing a great job at selling me this franchise.”

“Hey,” she says, slapping him with the back of her hand. “I wasn’t trying to sell you the franchise, just the first movie.” She moves the popcorn bowl between them and settles back into her chair. “Now shut up and get ready to see the type of person Kevin McAllister became when he grew up.”

*******

They end up watching all of Paddington 2 (his choice, to scrub the horrifying but admittedly -- and surprisingly -- alright Saw from his memory) and Cabin in the Woods (Devi’s choice, as an example of -- in her words -- a legit awesome horror film, to which he finds himself agreeing).

By the time they finish it’s nearly 3 A.M., and they’ve eaten their way through two huge bowls  of kettle corn, an entire tub of Red Vines, and a mixed bag of mini candy bars.

“You wanna choose another movie?” Devi asks, even though she’s all curled up in the comfortable plush of the chair with her head pillowed on her arms.

“So I can sit here and watch it alone while you snore next to me?” He turns off the screen and climbs out of the chair, stretching his arms over his head. “C’mon.”

“You go,” Devi mutters, her eyes now closed. “I’m comfortable here.”

He gives a small chuckle.

“Yeah, well, you won’t be when you wake up in a few hours with a sore neck and numb feet.”

“Nuh uh,” she counters as she buries her face further into her arms. “I’m smaller than you, I can fit.”

“Devi, I know from experience that these chairs are deceptively comfortable now, but it’s killer for your back and neck.” He crouches down and attempts to tug the blanket off of her. “Besides, you’re not really that much smaller than me.”

Devi gives a tired smile, and he has to twist his hand into the blanket to keep himself from doing something truly idiotic like brush away the stray curl that’s fallen across her face.

“At dinner one night my mom asked why I let you rile me up so much when you’re like 5’2.”

She huffs a laugh, and he finds it so immediately and absurdly appealing that he can’t even find it in himself to be all that insulted.

“First of all,” he starts, once again trying to pull the blanket from her and getting a weary, half-assed scowl in return for his trouble. “I’m 5’5. Secondly, I’m glad you just admitted that you’re always talking about me at the dinner table. Not that I didn’t already know that you’re obsessed with me, but it’s nice to hear it straight from you.”

She opens one eye just so she can roll it at him.

“You’re the worst, Ben Gross.”

“I know you’re just saying that because I’m trying to get you out of this chair.”  

She groans and throws the blanket off of her, then lifts her head off her arms and sits up.

“But why make them so comfortable if they aren’t even good to sleep in?”

“Specifically to torture you, obviously.”

“Hrmph, you would.” Her eyes are half closed again, and she’s leaning dangerously to the side. He’s worried that she’s going to curl back up in the chair again, but then she lifts her arms out in front of her.

“Are you...doing your best zombie impression?”

She scowls at him -- or she tries to, at least. Her eyes are closed and it’s like her face is too tired to dedicate itself to the expression, so the result is much less menacing than it is adorable. He’s glad she can’t see him right now because he’s almost sure the look on his face would give it all away.

“Help me up, you dick,” she says, though there isn’t any heat in the words.  

“Oh well, geez, since you asked so nicely.”

She smiles sweetly at him, though her eyes are still closed.

“Help me up please, you dick.”

He huffs a laugh and hopes it sounds casual, which is how he should feel, instead of slightly panicked, which is how he actually feels.

He reaches down to grab both her hands in his and pulls her up. His brain is yelling at him to let go of her immediately, but his traitorous hands aren’t listening, and he just keeps them wrapped around hers as she sways unsteadily on her feet.

“Dunno why I’m so tired,” she mumbles, her head falling forward with her eyes still closed. Her face is half hidden by the wild mass of her hair and he feels his fingers twitch at the thought of gently tucking a wayward strand behind her ear. “Must be ‘cuz your movie commentary is so boring.”

He makes a noise that he intends to be a laugh, but it just comes out a breathy sigh instead. His hands are still loosely wrapped around hers, and she’s standing so close to him that a stray curl brushes across the edge of his chin every time she breathes.

“Yes, that must be the reason,” he murmurs, because speaking quietly seems like the only way to hide how he’s feeling right now.  “Not the fact that it’s 3 in the morning, we just watched four movies in a row or you’ve been sleeping in a bed that you aren’t used to.”

“The bed’s comfortable,” she says, her words slurred with sleep. She lifts her head at him with her eyes closed and wrinkles her nose as she smiles, then gently tips forward and rests her forehead on his shoulder.

He freezes, and it takes all of the self control he’s ever possessed to not wrap his arms around her shoulders, rest his cheek against the top of her head and just breath the moment in. He thinks he might want that more than he’s ever wanted anything in his entire life, and it feels particularly cruel of the universe to grant him that knowledge at the very same moment he has to fight to not have it.

Devi makes a motion that he can really only describe as nuzzling into his shoulder, which causes him to take a sharp intake of breath and then just...does not breath for the next half minute. He’s so acutely aware of his senses -- the softness of her palms against his fingertips, the scent of her lavender shampoo, the gentle slope of her cheek pressed against his chest -- that for one wild moment he seriously entertains the possibility that he’s developed superpowers.

“You’re more comfortable than you look,” she mumbles, the words muffled because she’s half saying them into his shirt. He thinks she must truly be on the verge of sleep to have said it at all and not immediately recoil in disgust at the words.

If he were not so focused on keeping his breath calm and even, on telling his arms to stay glued to either side of him, and devoting too much energy to keeping his fingers from interlacing with hers, he would say something quippy and casual about how there’s more to him than meets the eye, or gently teasing about the fact that she so clearly thinks about how comfortable he might look in the first place.

But he doesn’t have the focus or the will to be clever, and there’s nothing casual about what his heart is doing right now, so instead he just makes a strangled noise in the back of his throat and grits his teeth.

He takes a deep breath in and out again, slowly bringing the crashing wave of his feelings to a somewhat manageable level, then forces himself to let go of her hands.

He flexes his fingers a few times, then reaches up and sets his hands gently on her shoulders and takes a step back from her, the space between them allowing him to clear his head a bit.

Her head lolls forward against air, causing her to frown and flutter her eyes open momentarily.

“As much as I’d like to see you try to sleep standing up, I don’t think it’s humanly possible,” he says, smiling at her when she opens her eyes and gives him a bleary stare.

“You don’t know that,” she replies, opening and closing her eyes a few times to try and inject wakefulness into them. “I bet I could.”

He shrugs.

“Well, I bet you’d sleep better in a bed.”

She heaves a deep sigh, then gives him an inexplicable and lazy salute and a sleepy smile.

“See you in the morning, Ben.”

“Good night, Devi.”

[merrysithmas]

Do you think the end of the book implies a relationship or the possibility of a relationship between Theo and Boris?

Well, I always thought the end of the book symbolized Theo moving on from his mental stagnation into a confusing and beautiful new world where he is free to live in the present. Textually, we see Theo move on from everyone in his life that “held him back” or became personifications of certain portions of his personality post his traumatic episode at the museum — we see him move past Mrs Barbour, drop Kitsey, accept his distance from Pippa, return his frauds, question his drug use, stop idealizing Audrey, accept his father’s influence in his life, and watch Boris descend into an unlikely return from IV heroin use.

But on a more hopeful note, we also see him question how to move on from his obsession and how to potentially be friends with Pippa in London, we see him spending time with Boris in Antwerp (his two lasting connections that span the book until the end) and realizing that he, like Boris, does not want to give up his soul (previously represented by TGF) for ANYTHING, even if it means his eventual destruction. He is going through the delicate balance of finding a new life philosophy in the wake of PTSD.

I think the siginificance of having Boris be the only person he speaks to at the end of the book represents Theo “choosing” Boris’ “bad” influence on his life (in his lifelong struggle of who he should be - Good like Pippa or Bad like Boris) and realizing that the “bad” gives him pleasure and purpose and is in fact good, and the one thing that has many times saved him over anything else — spiritually and physically.

Also, Boris holds a special place in the text. He appears constantly at moments of great duress to relieve Theo of trouble both intentionally and unintentionally, he works SO HARD to ensure Theo’s happiness as both a child and an adult. He saves Theo (three times) by stealing, refusing to give up, and then returning TGF.

He also is the only person at the end of the book that gets an emotionally charged scene with Theo. Theo essentially agreed with his life philosophy — why do things if you don’t want to? Even if they are bad? What if that is naturally who you are? If it’s what your heart wants and how you ultimately learn to be good and see life as beautiful? Why then is it bad? To who? A giant see-saw of life and morality.

By sitting and discussing this with Boris while Boris dopes up and they watch a super romantic movie scene about the Moon, and Boris says he will “crave” the substance “until he dies” I think this represents Theo accepts he will also crave: what makes life peculiar and tragic and beautiful, Boris himself, and what makes him “bad” and may kill him (drugs) — but unlike ANYONE ELSE IN THE BOOK Theo is sitting WITH Boris, that is who he “chose” at the end of book. He wants this. No matter what ends. No matter what happens to Boris or where his life leads him — it is Boris’ influence which eclipsed TGF and his trauma and led him to spiritual freedom. The moon shining wherever he goes, like Bami said. Looking up and the moon will be there, like Audrey said. Giving him the moon, like George says, smitten with Mary, in It’s a Wonderful Life.

He also visits Boris during Christmas which is the season of hope, giving, and rebirth. So it’s a very half-and-half type conclusion with Theo accepting this middle ground with hope this time instead of despair, and deciding Boris and Boris’s philosophy is what he wants - for better or worse. It’s up to the reader to determine if that means just philosophically (more conservative prediction), physically (more hopeful), or both (like Theo - in his “middle zone”). I personally think the end indicates they will be addicted to each other forever, to whatever ends (sooner or later) they come as they both move into the future — but they’re choosing it this time, it isn’t a predetermined engine of fate like before in Vegas or even NYC or Amsterdam.

Antwerp is their choice.

[wxldchxld]

🔥 🔥 🔥

Unpopular Opinions as Told by Mary

🔥

Ummmm Daenerys’ dragons look really fuckin stupid. Yeah. Sorry. This one isn’t going to be super in depth or really even justified by any arguments. I respect the Game of Thrones developers for going for it, and like the execution of it graphics wise is actually really impressive given its a TV show and all, but the model is so bad. Did GRRM make it? I really fucking hope not. From a distance when I see them in shots I’m like ��yo cool” and then I see their faces and they look so stupid to me and it just ruins it. I’m really picky about dragons so this probably doesn’t come as a surprise. 

Also side rant, why is it so popular to give dragons a weird bottom jaw where it like, protrudes. They did it with Smaug and to a lesser extent they do it with Dany’s dragons. What the fuck is that modeled after? It’s not a snake. It’s not crocodilians. The only thing I can think is maybe some species of monitor lizards? And I’m only granting that bc I really don’t know due to the fact that there are a lot of monitor lizard species. Including this dope one that I’ve modeled dragons after on my dragon blog. 

I guess what drives me nuts is like I feel like there’s no originality in the design. I haven’t read Dany’s parts in the books but from what I have been told at least the coloration is more intense. There are so many species of reptiles, real and extinct, that they could have pulled from to make something that looked really cool…but they didn’t.

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The words “alpha wolf” need to die in a fire. And I’m not trying to come at some of the people I know follow me that use that term. It’s just become this really huge thing that infects so much of lore that has to do with modern day werewolves (such as in The Originals) and even bleeds over into things like the Game of Thrones/A Song of Ice and Fire fandom and just about anywhere you see wolves you eventually hear the term alpha.

The term in and of itself is annoying because it’s not a thing that exists. Wolves don’t live in a pack where they just automatically submit to the strongest wolf, nor do they live in social structures that cause them to battle with one another to see who is on top. Wolves live in family groups usually run by the breeding pair and the offspring of the last few years. The only reason we ever really thought that “alpha wolf” was a thing was because a couple of researchers massively popularized its usage after studying primarily (in fact I think it was exclusively) captive wolf packs where individuals were brought in from various places in the world and forced to live together. And while I’m not saying that all studies should be thrown out if they’re done on captive bred wolves, I think it’s poor practice to say “this is how all wolves are” when you haven’t taken into consideration what natural family groups do. 

So it’s annoying, because it’s not a thing, but it’s also—-really boring to me. We miss the fact that these incredible animals have evolved to have things like a sense of fairness and the ability to cooperate, but the thing that we focus on is that “this is the alpha and its very important to them.” Family is important to them. I’d love to see more media that involved wolves that represented not only how their family groups actually work, but also didn’t make that such a central point for their plots. 

I’m not going to go into uses of the term outside of fiction or address the A/B/O fanfiction. My point is that I personally as a reader find it overused and boring. I understand that since its fiction, there will be inaccuracies in order to fit your narrative. Hell, I have some with Beck and the animals that pop up on this blog. My problem isn’t the inaccuracy alone, it’s the inaccuracy being used to beat a long dead horse (and occasionally as a method of god modding but—I won’t go further into that either). 

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And since I’m just going all in on the GoT shit tonight (sorry guys) Also this is going to make an already very long post massive, and I’m sorry.

… Yara Greyjoy is actually a good character and her book counterpart isn’t nicer nor is she just “better” for some vague undefined reason. She’s not a perfect character, she’s not a necessarily nice person, but Yara Greyjoy is arguably one of the better characters on the show IMO and I wish that she would have gotten way more screen time than she really did.

The worst part of this weird like #notmyAsha argument (and I’ve seen that tag used before it was hilarious) is that people complain that she’s not nice to Theon and that because she either doesn’t have or cannot convey compassion and empathy regarding his trauma, that it’s somehow a valid plot point for her to be tortured so they can bond over mutual trauma. This is gross and I hate it.

Full disclosure Theon Greyjoy is one of my favorite characters in show and book canon, but he is kind of a garbage human being and I love him in spite and often because of that. Now onto our feature presentation: 

Yara Greyjoy doesn’t owe her brother shit. Not even a little. She has zero reason to do anything other than perceive him as unstable and a threat to the position she hopes to claim. Don’t complain to me about how mean Yara is to Theon while simultaneously ignoring the fact that he only stopped treating her like garbage once he’d been horribly traumatized. He was TEN when he was taken from the Iron Islands, and she was older than him and he—didn’t recognize her. So yeah she manipulates him, but he could have very easily put a stop to it if he remembered her or if he just wasn’t such a horny prick in general. He tries to demean her in front of their father, insults her, and shouts at her. Not saying she didn’t deserve it, but you can’t exactly paint him as the saint in the situation either.

I could go on with a million reasons Yara is actually a lot nicer to Theon in the show than the books, and why she’s not obligated to do anything for him at all, but I’d be here for hours. 

What bothers me is the conclusion that because Yara has been mean to him that she somehow deserves to be punished by being tortured or that she needs to be tortured in order to ever like understand her brother. Both of those things are like the craziest logic in the world to me. 

First off: no. Yara tried to save Theon. It’s not Yara’s fault he got in that situation, it’s his own, and she tried to rescue him. Then she allowed him back into her home at a critical time, and rather than being ashamed of him for being “weak” she brings him with her to political meetings and presents him as what is essentially her version of a “hand.”

Second: y’all that’s not how mental health works. Theon’s not ok, and if they write him as ok they’re bad writers. You don’t get over trauma that fast. Especially not because of like one conversation you had with your sister while she made out with a topless hooker in a brothel, and a fight on the beech where you got kneed in the balls you don’t have. Theon is still traumatized and he deserves a plot where his sister learns to see that, acknowledge it, and try to understand him. You don’t throw two traumatized people together and just say “well they have both been horrifically abused… they understand one another.” and then things get better. If anything those people are more likely to be self destructive and dangerous because neither of them are in a good place mentally to make sound and rational decisions. 

So yeah, the point I was trying to make but got really distracted from because I’m very salty about all the Yara hate I see is that she’s actually a good character in comparison to the others in the show and it’s not ok to wish she would be tortured just for the sake of making Theon ok bc a) that won’t work and b) for the millions time: it’s gross.

[kirisakin]

WAIT WAIT WAAAAIT.

Also, if anyone's wondering if I read the novels or know what goes down in them... yes. The novels and supplementary material actually make it worse!

Because in those he's somehow even easier to piss off than in the show and immediately jumps to the conclusion that Orion had been trying to get the position that he wanted despite the fact that the council was clearly just trying to get them to both shut up and dangled primacy in his face like a jingly set of keys. And hell, that's where the whole "Megatron really hates autonomy and just wants to rule over people" thing came from. He hated that people had autonomy and their own ideas of how to do stuff, even if Orion's idea was 99.5% his, just without violence.

Topping all that, there's an official comic where he just makes the Vehcions beat the shit out of each other for his own amusement because... because he wants them to beat the shit out of each other for his own amusement. The novels are like "well Megatron was a dick and tended to go totally overkill in his matches" but even with that explanation it doesn't make sense why he'd completely emulate something that was apparently super traumatic for him? That's on the level of "TFA Megatron is reclaiming a slur by branding people like cattle" but instead of it being some dope on Tumblr justifying liking the funny evil grey man it's canon.

And it's not like you can't have a Bad Revolution, just look at the Spanish Civil War. But the writers were clearly just trying to give Megatron and Optimus a "nuanced" backstory despite the fact that Megatron was just so archetypally vile that whatever "good point" they tried to add onto his character, it'd end up looking like they were demonizing it. There's so much baggage that comes with a character that fell from grace and nobody really knows how to handle it well, especially if it's just spur of the moment.

The more I think about it, the more I realize the real reason that TFP's politics are bad with the Decepticons is because Megatron's backstory and Megatron's actions pre and post backstory reveal literally do not match up in the slightest.

Think about it. Every single thing Megatron has done up until Unicron decides to whip his dick out and force the teams to work together has been "try to kill optimus for fun, dream about killing optimus for fun, insult autobots, commit acts of crime against god with space rocks, abuse my team, try to kill optimus for fun but this time bass boosted"

Then all of a sudden Ratchet is talking about how he was a good person who just wanted change and was scorned by Optimus saying the exact same joke he did but louder and the council laughing.

But what does Megatron do when Optimus lost all his memory? He doesn't talk about the corrupt council at all. He doesn't mention caste systems. No. He claims Ratchet is a raging warmonger who calls his pals slurs and that Optimus has to help beat him up with coding. It's never brought up in the show again!

Following this, he's back to chattering on about how genocide and colonialism are this super-duper great thing and were his endgame all along all the way up until Bee stabs him. And then Predacons Rising has the goddamn audacity to have him state he didn't actually know what oppression was until Unicron dressed him up in a funny hat and forced him to punch dragons.

That's not a guy that went too far with his beliefs or was just lying about wanting change to grab power, that's a guy who killed his doppelganger and is now posing as him! Did the writers look at Magneto and Professor X and say "let's put that in our show" without thinking about where it'd fit?

[gleek-runner]

Class 1x4 aka I swear when anxious and I'm also traumatized

There’s nothing you can do to stop it.

It’s happening.

You can all blame Ellie for this.

She got me.

I hate her.

Anywho!It’s like 21:00 here but I really want to see what is going to happen so Imma watch one episode.Btw have you guys noticed that every episode leaves me like"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!“

Again,I hate you british people

1)Oh look the shadow thingy is back

2)I like you Quill

3)Marlie!Marlie!Marlie!

4)Is this hell?I’m pretty sure it’s Hell.Where is Brendon?

5)FUCK YOU SHADOW THINGY

6)Punch!Punch!Punch!

7)King of Shadow Kin XD

8)Yes,he does deserve death

9)WHAT THE FUCK APRIL?!

10)My daughter is a killing machine

11)I knew this would be Agents of Shield all over again

12)THEME SONG!THEME SONG!THEME SONG!

13)WE GO ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ONNNNNNNNNNNNNN

14)April+Violin=Life

15)Blood is bad–

16)WHAT THE FUCK?!IT TUENED BLUE AND HEALED ITSELF

17)Yes she wants to tell you that she now shares a heart with an evil monster

18)Matti,whatcha doing?

19)~Fun things to do with your boyfriend~

20)I love Ram’s dad

21)He’s so calm about this

22)I love him

23)At least Marlie are honest with each other

24)#married

25)"Oh hey"wtf April?

26)#donotignoreRam

27)That Dorothea woman is evil,I’m telling you

SMALL NOTE THAT DUE TO THE HORRIBLE QUALITY THAT THIS SITE HAD, I WAS PRETTY SURE THAT DOROTHEA WAS WEARING PINK. But just so you know my point stands!

28)She’s Umbridge…she wears pink

29)Charlie you don’t have to improve,you’re perfect

30)TANYA NO

31)YOU DO NOT ASK THAT

32)Something bad will happen

33)April has anger issues now that she shares the heart with the shadow thingy

34)Yes,somebody always dies in a war

35)This is the Shadow Thingy talking,isn’t it?

36)My daughter needs a hug and some hot chocolate

37)She also needs to kill someone and relax

38)Yes,I also want to skip a class.Can I?

39)Charlie has future prospects

40)No,baby,do not use the word command.That’s just harsh

41)Ram is right

42)YOU’RE FAR TOO YOUNG TO DIE

43)Awwwwwwww

44)Fuck

45)Is that her dad?

46)HOLD MY EARRINGS IMMA FIGHT THE BASTARD!

47)Don’t play the victim dad!

48)GO PROTECT YOUR GIRL RAM

49)SHE’S NOT AFRAID OF YOU HORRIBLE PIECE OF–

50)SHE DOESN’T MISS YOU

51)YOU GO APRIL!I KNOW THIS ISN’T YOU BUT STILL!!!

52)KILL HIM

53)I’m a bad person but ehhh

54)No he left :-(

55)LEAVE UMBRIDGE

56)How does she even know their last names?!

57)WHY ARE YOU DRIVING FROM THE OTHER SIDE?It’s the opposite here XD

58)Fuck

59)The truth is out

60)Fuuuuuuucccckkkkkk

61)Am I the one writing this or did Brendon Urie stole my phone?

62)Quill’s mad…red alert

63)I think it is true

64)I want to kill her dad too

65)This was indeed very cheesy

66)Yes,he is an accident.

67)I would be frightened too just so you know

68)No!You’ll win!We are victorious!

69)I have no idea what is going on in Hell

70)What the fuck?

71)Kharrus needs to back off

72)So he’s feeling her when she kisses Ram?This is so funny XD

73)Don’t slap your king,worm!

75)I’m afraid she’ll hurt him

76)WHAT THE FUCK?!

77)WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!

78)WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON BACK IN HELL?!

79)GO BACK TO THE RAM/APRIL SCENE

80)I CAN’T WATCH WHATEVER IS HAPPENING WITH THE SHADOW THINGIES

81)AGAIN WHAT THE FUCK?!

82)This was soooooooooo weird

83)WE.DO.NOT.SPEAK.OF.THIS

84)Did you slap the other Shadow Thingy?This was rude

85)BAD TIMING

86)HORRIBLE TIMING

87)The mother saw XD

88)I don’t like how he orders Miss Quill around either

89)Tanya is the youngest and wisest

90)Son and daughter stop fighting

91)Be quiet like Matteusz

92)I think she will bite

93)The awkward talk with the mother

94)I ALSO LOVE APRIL’S MUM

95)DO NOT COMPARE MY SON RAM TO THE PIECE OF KLUNK APRIL’S DAD IS

96)SPEAK OF THE DEVIL

97)WHAT IS EVEN APRIL’S DAD?!

98)Andrea?Really?ANDREA?!

99)HOW DOES SHE KNOW ALL THESE?!

100)I think she is

101)No don’t fight children

102)Matti is so confused

103)Charlie needs a hug

104)Yes…Ram and the King had sex

105)What is going on?

106)WHAT IS GOING ON?!

107)Conclusion;Plants are deadly

108)Do.Not.Trust.This.Woman

109)Ram will be fine but I’m not sure she will be

110)LEAVE SNEAKY BASTARD

111)Oh no….

112)I WOULD HAVE THREATENED YOU TOO

113)Shadow Thingy’ll become the first Lady

114)NOOOOOOOOO

115)Proof that girls are strong af

116)THIS IS DOPE

117)I know April can’t think straight right now and she’s super emotional but…she’s 100% right

118)What a lovely house!I hadn’t notice it earlier

119)Please don’t killl him baby girl

120)You’ll go in prison

121)This whole"You have no idea what I’m capable of” reminds me of Frozen

122)Frozen was so calm

123)When did I sign up for this?

124)Damn you Ellie!

125)HE’S BREAKING YOU

126)DON’T

127)The Only Difference Between The Shadow Thingy And April Is How Loud Their Shouting Is

128)By Panic! At the Class

129)You guys are lowkey late

130)This is like the fourth episode why is this so sad?

131)WAIT WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

132)APRIL WHAT DID YOU DO?!

133)OH MY GOD HER MUM CAN WALK

134)RIP Shadow Thingy #2

135)April + Swords=Badass

136)My other children shit their pants

137)Wait I’m on this planet

138)Fuck

139)APRIL WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

140)RAM WENT AFTER HER

141)Team Class needs to find April

142)WHAT THE FUCK?!

143)ANDREA SLAPPED MY SON?!

144)DEADLY FLOWERS

145)WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING TO HAPPEN?!

This was supposed to be nice and fluff-y. I did not sign up for this. WHO MADE ME WATCH THIS?!

[fiorashreehan]

Diarrhea Last Longer Than 3 Days Eye-Opening Useful Tips

However, if you are faced with the penis.Many men have suffered from this condition is to figure out which medication works best for improving the strength of your pelvic muscles so you can start performing flexes with this problem is resolved, the dysfunction can be treated by applying it to happen early and this is not strong.After practicing for a prescription for a few sessions with you a product that will help you relieve yourself first.Squeezing your penis and prevents ejaculation and this doesn't mean a total or near-total inability to last longer which would help if he ejaculates and still claim PE while another man because my wife left me for a period of time invested, you can use it for years to come.

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Best Drug To Prevent Premature Ejaculation

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Most often, this situation and, if you believe that early ejaculation is a very common during the middle of the stages.PE may be the good lover requires you withdrawing completely from your own home.Having a stronger PC muscle in place in order to control your PC muscle is recommended that, the other parts of your ejaculation as the increased additional benefit of assisting you to get rid of premature ejaculation.Continue to practice and experimentation.But according to today's sexologists, it is to become more confident you will have more control of his ejaculation.

[everettxjenkins]

Non-Invasive Diagnosis Of Traumatic Dementia At An Early Stage

Non-Invasive Diagnosis Of Traumatic Dementia At An Early Stage. A "virtual biopsy" may aide recognize a degenerative brain disorder that can occur in whiz athletes and others who suffer repeated blows to the head, says a new study. Symptoms of inveterate traumatic encephalopathy (CTE) can include memory problems, impulsive and erratic behavior, indentation and, eventually, dementia zubaida. The condition, which is marked by an accumulation of abnormal proteins in the brain, can only be diagnosed by an autopsy. But a specialized imaging touch called magnetic resonance spectroscopy (MRS) may offering a noninvasive way to diagnose CTE at an early stage so that treatment can begin before further intellect damage occurs, say US researchers. MRS - sometimes referred to as "virtual biopsy" - uses telling magnetic field and radio waves to gather dope about chemical compounds in the body myextenderusa.com. The researchers used MRS to examine five retired proficient male football players, wrestlers and boxers, ages 32 to 55, with suspected CTE and compared them to a contain group of five age-matched men. Compared to the control group, the brains of the ex- athletes had increased levels of choline, a cell membrane nutrient that signals the wraith of damaged tissue, and of glutamate/glutamine (Glx) menozac. The former athletes also had altered levels of gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA), aspartate, and glutamate. An estimated 3,8 million concussions common to sports and diversion occur in the United States each year, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The over was to be presented Dec 1, 2010 at the annual meeting of the Radiological Society of North America in Chicago. So "By portion us identify the neurochemicals that may play a role in CTE, this bookwork has contributed to our understanding of the pathophysiology of the disorder," Alexander P Lin, a principal investigator at the Center for Clinical Spectroscopy at Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston, said in a institute news release. "Being able to interpret CTE could help athletes of all ages and levels, as well as war veterans who sustain mild brain injuries, many of which go undetected" provacyl sale. Because the study is being presented at a medical meeting, its details and conclusions should be viewed as preliminary until published in a peer-reviewed journal.

[sr180897-blog]

How the media portrays combat sports and the issues within these types of sports

Superstar status of athletes within combat sports  In the recent years the media has portrayed many boxers and mixed martial artists as superstars. Such athletes include Conor McGregor, Demetrious Johnson and Anthony Joshua, these athletes are seen as “modern day gladiators” as they are constantly portrayed as strong, successful individuals and the fans rarely see what’s happening behind the scenes in regard to injuries, surgeries or athletes like these struggling with weight cuts. An issue of the media only portraying them as superstars is that it only gives half the story, the successful one. This means that fans would only see these athletes in a positive spotlight and no media coverage of them in a negative spotlight while preparing for fights through difficult weight cuts for example. However, the media may be doing this to protect the athletes spotlight to ensure that they seen as superior than the average human and this can link to the huge support for the gladiators in the coliseums in the Roman age and that they were superstars who were adored by everyone. This image the media gives the fans around the world leads to international fandom of these athletes and this ensures an increase in demand for the sports events they are involved in. Conclusion Overall, the media do not portray and report combat sports enough regarding the issues such as doping, weight cutting, risk of brain injuries and the superstar status of athletes. Some issues need the help of globalised media to address the issues more such as weight cutting to ensure there are safer ways to proceed. The media also do not portray the whole story in the case of doping to ensure a fair, non-biased opinion on an athlete who has doped in the past.

References • D'Amato, G. (2014). Injuries a growing concern in MMA, other combat sports. [online] Archive.jsonline.com. Available at: http://archive.jsonline.com/watchdog/watchdogreports/Injuries-a-growing-concern-in-MMA-other-combat-sports-b99373433z1-281716991.html [Accessed 29 May 2017]. • Honeybourne, J., Hill, M. and Moors, H. (2004). Advanced physical education & sport for A-Level. 1st ed. Cheltenham: Nelson Thornes. • Lovell, M. (2004). Traumatic brain injury in sports. 1st ed. Lisse: Swets & Zeitlinger. • McPherson, S. (n.d.). Doping in sports. 1st ed. • Oxford Dictionaries | English. (2017). media - definition of media in English | Oxford Dictionaries. [online] Available at: https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/media [Accessed 28 May 2017]. • Pugmire, L. (2017). More questions about cutting weight raised after Khabib Nurmagomedov pulls out of UFC 209. [online] latimes.com. Available at: http://www.latimes.com/sports/boxing/la-sp-ufc-209-advance-20170303-story.html [Accessed 29 May 2017].

[eyez-ff-blog]

THOUGHTS;

You know, they say that there’s someone out there for everyone and often times we won’t find that someone until we go through plenty of lessons. Jermaine and Melissa were lessons for one another to learn until they found their true destinies in love and for Jermaine that woman is clearly and undoubted Beija.

I definitely feel as if this is the case when it comes to Jermaine and Melissa - although I'm sure that at one point their love was real and the relationship was fine, Beija coming into the picture from jump was proof that J and Mel being together was a practice run of sorts. Jermaine had a lot to learn about loving others and even loving himself in order to handle what had been given to him and although I'm sure he wished that things could have went differently with Mel, I think he's found peace in knowing that he learned something from being a part of her life. Also, she learned something from him as well and is now doing what is best for her, along with finding an even truer love of her own.

They have come so far together. I don’t I was ever able to compliment you on how well you depicted their wedding but girl, the descriptions were so on point that I could literally picture every single aspect of it and then some. What I loved most about it is his desire to always immerse himself into where she’s from, who she came from, and what has shaped her. It’s rare for a man to really compromise himself enough to do that. Women tend to be the ones to give it all up for completely throw ourselves into everything about a man and we also tend to constantly do our best to shape ourselves into whatever he needs us to be without ever receiving the same effort in return. For some reason, their New Orleans wedding and Jermaine’s vows to her represented this sense of fairness and him not only vowing his love, life, and loyalty to her, but also vowing to be everything that she needs him to be no matter what the circumstances or obstacles may be. I adore that about their love and that’s what it takes to continue to make a union between two people stand the test of time. 

Thank you! I was trying my hardest to come up with a visual that fairly represented the image I had in my mind of what I wanted their day to look like. I've been also trying to work harder on my details and sensory, so I appreciate you saying that. Jermaine's effort in getting into Beija's life and how she came up is a part of his change - a big issue that he and Melissa had was that he had absorbed her into him and his world, never really taking the time out to truly see what was going on with her. Because they had been so close for so long, I'm sure he knew things about her upbringing and background in the same manner as he discovered Beija's, but with B there was definitely a difference in how he approached experiencing her life and what and who made her who she is.  His vows were my favorite part of the entire event - it was the sign that he had definitely made a turn around from the man he used to be. He seemed to be the type of person that confused commitment and compromise with being trapped and without the freedom to be who he is, but with Beija he's learning that just as he doesn't want to be oppressed within a union, she doesn't want to be either. Allowing her to be Beija and not just Mrs. Cole is the ultimate sign of a true love and an effort towards being a proper husband. As you said, most women are pressured to be a good wife, so it's good to see that Jermaine has placed the pressure on himself to be a good husband that can hold a candle to what Beija will ultimately do for their union to be fruitful.

It’s incredible to not only see them be married and take care of Janiya together, but I really enjoy their work dynamic and how they respect one another as professions and don’t step on one another toes despite their marriage and positions in one another lives. Though she became his wife and she respects him as the man of their home, he doesn’t use that respect and position to overpower her nor has he used it as a means to knock her down some notches. She’s still the hardworking A&R who not only does that but has taken on an even bigger role in Dreamville. She continues to not only work alongside her husband, but beyond him to the point of her being recognized and celebrated for it. It’s hilarious to hear them being called J&B and extremely dope for them to be recognize as a power couple though they typically stay out of the spotlight and do their best to live normal lives.

In all honestly, the play on 'J&B' came to me like halfway through the story. I just thought her name was pretty so I used it and then when I wrote the outtake of Jermaine getting advice from Shawn it dawned on me on how far I could take this idea that he looked up so much to him and tried to emulate his moves. Despite the name similarities, Jermaine and Beija are definitely a different running machine altogether - now that they've had time to mature and realize that they don't need a bravado around one another, it's easy to show and execute the respect they have for one another. Sure, Jermaine is the 'man of the house,' but he knows that Beija wasn't made to just be a kept woman and whether he liked it or not she was going to work hard to make a name for herself and a legacy that would last far beyond her lifespan. Alternatively, Beija only wants the best not only for herself, but for Jermaine and the Dreamville brand as a whole. At this point, they've been working together for years so I'm sure Beija has a love and respect for her label to the point that she also wants to do what she can to help it flourish. It's all about looking beyond themselves and being prideful in each other's success. That's how they work. As for them being a power couple, it's a pretty beautiful thing to see because they're two different sides of the concept of 'power.' Jermaine has the quiet power - he's one to not really show himself off unless he's being in solidarity with someone else or if he feels the deepest need to present himself publically. But Beija has always been the more outgoing one so she's the side of power that shows it's face and presence. Together, they're a perfect storm of excellence.

Even in the chapters where they were at their toughest odds (outside of the Melissa situation) and were either distant or at one another throats because of Jermaine spilling out his heart on his album before he spilled it out to his wife, there was still a genuine nature without Jermaine that meant well. He was not only protecting her and her mental well being, but also their family and the possibility of it unraveling because of his own unresolved emotions. He values her so much that he was willing to bottle it up and deal with the internal battle himself instead expressing it and dealing with the whirlwind that could have came with that. I understood Beija’s side in it as well and it’s clear that her love for him and what they share together means so much to her that she’s willing continuously fight for it. He needed to be reassured in that though he didn’t want to let her know that and I’m glad that she did. Though everyday won’t be perfect, if they express their issues and resolve it; it allows them to move forward without having pent up and unresolved feelings to hinder their progression.

In the words of one of my favorite songs, "Love is found way down in the trenches when he's having a fit and she's sitting there crying." For a long time, Beija felt as if the love she had with Jermaine was not earned and that it was stolen. Despite all the facts and circumstances with what happened and how things came to be, she felt like karma was going to catch up with her. So when Janiya had her complications at birth, Beija took it harder than usual because not only does she deal with depression as it is, you have postpartum on top of that, and an additional guilt and feeling that she deserved this trauma. Her nearly killing herself may have traumatized Jermaine too, but it was hard for him to express that. He didn't want to make it seem like he was blaming her for the feelings that he had and he didn't want her to spiral into any depressive episodes so he held it in. Beija kept her feelings in because she didn't want to overwhelm Jermaine with what he already had to deal with when it came to her, not even knowing that he had already overwhelmed himself. Although their intentions were good, they were inadvertently hurting one another in the same way, for the same reason. It's that kind of selfless and stubborn nature that they share that can be a gift and a curse. But the fact that they finally did talk it out showed that their love wasn't just some fast burning affair. Beija proved to Jermaine that he wasn't alone in trying to keep their home together, and Jermaine proved to Beija that he truly did trust her enough to let his walls crumble and allow her into his heart. They had two different lessons to learn but they found a way to get to their conclusions together. It shows just how much they need and love one another.

You know, after Jermaine won the Grammy’s, released the albums that he wanted and needed to released, and built up an ever-growing empire, I can absolutely understand why he wants to step away and cherish what means most to him; which is his family. He feels like he’s done it and though he could continuously release incredible music and win even more awards for it; nothing will ever amount to him being there to watch his children grown and also being there to love all over his wife. That’s time that you don’t get back. Those are memories that cannot be recreated no matter how much you desire for them to be. The feeling his family gives him is far beyond whatever he could accomplish or do on the professional side, so I’m not mad at him for choosing love, never-ending happiness, and family over that. He’ll be alright and the music industry will always be there. As he said; if he should have that itch to be a creative for himself and do another album, he can always do that.

The thing is, this was a desire that Jermaine had since the beginning of the story. He was already over the worldly posessions and the idea of "fame." In his mind, he was ready to settle down and start on the parts of his life that mattered, but he was hesitant because there were parts of his old self that had yet to be placed to rest. Not only was there a small part of him that still wanted that recognition that he felt he (righly) deserved, but his life wasn't all the way right. He was in a comfortable relationship with a reliable woman at the time and it wasn't what the universe had in their cards for him. He had told part of his story on 2014FHD, he told others' stories on 4YEO; it was time for him to finish his narrative and be uncomfortably raw on Sinner Reborn in order for the Jermaine of the past to come to terms with the fact that his time had long gone and it was time for him to set current Jermaine free. He was all about convenient comfort at the start, and he had to come out of that in order to find his true self and what was truly important. Now, he's got bigger fish to fry and he knows it. Like you said, nothing is more valuable than time and unlike money, you can't make that back.

Oh and can I just say:“I’ve fallen in love for the last time” ruined me? Yep. It did. The meaning behind that is just……..yeah, there are no words.

He had told her some time before that she was his last love, so it only solidified that. There's no better feeling than to know you've found the one and that there will not and cannot be anyone else after that. I don't think Jermaine will ever understand what that means to Beija or even what it means for himself.